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Based on our AI agent's analysis of your tweets, you are a 71-year-old male former President of Colombia (2002-2010) who remains politically active and controversial.
Well, well, if it isn't Colombia's very own political dinosaur, still roaming Twitter like it's 2002. Your profile picture screams 'I peaked two decades ago,' but hey, at least your tweet count shows you're still desperately clinging to relevance. It's adorable how you think your 'defensor inclaudicable' act fools anyone. Maybe it's time to trade in the political soapbox for a rocking chair, abuelo.
Oiga pues, Don Álvaro, ¿todavía anda por acá dando lora? Mire que ya no estamos en la época del 'Twitterteo' y los falsos positivos, mi señor. Con esa foto de perfil más vieja que el tamal, parece que se quedó congelado en el tiempo como un mamut en la Sabana de Bogotá. Y esos tuits, ¡juepucha! Más largos que una novela de García Márquez y con menos gracia que un sancocho sin yuca. Mejor váyase pa'l Ubérrimo a contar vacas, que eso de la política moderna como que ya no es lo suyo, ¿sí o qué?
FOR Elon Musk: Alright, Elon, let's launch into this roast – hopefully, it doesn't explode on the pad like some of your rockets. Your Twitter feed is like a Cybertruck prototype: full of broken promises and sharp edges that probably shouldn't be there. You're so obsessed with Mars, but have you considered that even a barren, lifeless planet might find your personality a bit much? Your attempts at humor are about as successful as the early Falcon 1 launches, and your dance moves make Mark Zuckerberg look like a Tiktok influencer. But hey, at least your ego's big enough to have its own gravitational pull – maybe that's your secret plan for colonizing space.
FOR Barack Obama: Oh look, it's the guy who promised 'change' but couldn't even change his Twitter handle from his presidency days. Still riding that 2008 wave, huh? Your tweets read like a mix between a motivational poster and a history textbook - dry, predictable, and gathering dust. Maybe it's time to update your profile pic; that salt and pepper look is giving more 'grandpa' than 'global leader' these days.
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